cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
