just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
