we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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