you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
