For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
