we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
