I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
