Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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