he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
