I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
