had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Enjoy the penises
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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