So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
