Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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