my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
