Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
