I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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