Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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