So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
