you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
PANTIES FOUND
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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