She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So squirting runs in the family.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
