I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do vagina's smell?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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