Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
