Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
