Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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