HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
