Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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