Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
