i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
