You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
