Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
