What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
