I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
