i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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