just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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