do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
