You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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