sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
