Too much gin, very little bucket
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
