dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
