so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
