my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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