Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
