I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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