Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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