So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
