She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sext me about skeletons
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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