On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hippo gnu deer
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
