our cab driver is having phone sex.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
