This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
