i'm signing you up for texting rehab
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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