The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
